Once again I have had to let go, just a bit. Once again I have had to concede control and watch as my wee girl grew seemingly just a bit bigger in front of my eyes. Once again, I have to swallow deeply, choke back a (perhaps hormonally driven) tear and lump in my throat as she took another step towards independence.
My rational mind knows that they are only flower planters on a porch. My rational mind knows that we have been planting flowers together for years now, and even at 7, she has more passion for pretty living things than most will develop over a lifetime. I know in my rational mind that getting a bit teary over a kid planting some seedlings she carefully seeded, nurtured, watered and doted over for months is a bit silly.
I really do know, but I can’t help it.
This time, she didn’t need me. This time she didn’t want me to help with any of it. This time, she didn’t even want to plant anything I had brought home! She did it all by herself. And I could only watch, wondering when did she get so big, so capable and so independent?
But I couldn’t be more proud of her; it may have only been planters on the deck, but in the big scheme of things, it was so much more. And so one little tear may have been in part because my baby has disappeared and this amazing, gentle and smart wee girl with a big heart has taken her place. And one little tear may be because she doesn’t need me as much anymore. And one little tear may be because she is my last baby and I won’t get to have these firsts again.
But it is only planters on the deck after all. And I was still the first person she wanted to show and couldn’t stop beaming at as she proudly pointed out her hard work, her plant babies and rambled on about her high hopes for them!
So there may have been one more little happy tear for that too.
Boy am I in trouble over the next few years!
“While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about” ~ Unknown